That voice inside you can either help you or hurt you. Most people have a mix of good thoughts and bad thoughts in their heads every day. So it is important to learn which thoughts make you feel worse and which ones make you feel better. Also, you can train your mind to think more positive thoughts and fewer negative ones.
Your inner voice helps you when it:
- Makes you think of ways to fix issues
- Let you know that making mistakes is normal
- Learning from mistakes is important.
Your inner voice hurts you when it:
- Constantly says bad things about you
- Tells you that everything you do, you fail at
- It scares and makes small problems seem overwhelming.
Is My Inner Voice Helping or Hurting Me?
Your inner voice does both. It helps and hurts depending on what it’s actually saying. Recent brain research from Gross and colleagues shows that the content of your thoughts matters way more than how much your mind chats with itself. Your inner voice helps when it:
- Walks you through problems step by step
- Cheer you on during tough moments
- Helps you learn new skills by explaining things to yourself
- Keeps you focused on your goals
Meanwhile, your inner voice becomes destructive when it gets stuck in negative loops. Studies by Kapitány-Fövény and team found that people with depression have specific patterns where their internal dialogue turns harsh and repetitive.
Your inner voice hurts when it:
- Criticizes you non-stop without offering solutions
- Replaying embarrassing moments over and over
- Predicts worst-case scenarios that probably won’t happen
- Comparing you to others makes you feel awful
Scientists led by Fama have found that inner speech can help your brain solve problems, but only when it’s working right. Kreiner and Eviatar also found that the tone and beat of your inner voice can change how you feel.
When Does Internal Dialogue Help You?
When your inner voice is working right, it can be very helpful. Fama and her team found that people who have good inner speech are much better at doing hard things than people who don’t.
1. Keeps You Organized When Life Gets Messy
The study by Fama shows that inner speech works like a personal helper in your brain. Besides that, it helps you keep track of all your tasks without forgetting any of them.
You are in a hurry to get to work, so you are looking for your car keys and packing your kids’ lunches. Your positive inner voice tells you, “Coffee first; you can’t do anything without it.”
After that, make sandwiches while the toast is getting hot. Most likely, the keys are by the front door, where you left them yesterday. You get everything done instead of running around like a chicken without a head.
Your organized voice says:
- “Do the quick stuff first, then tackle the big things.”
- “While this is cooking, prep the next step.”
- “Put everything back in the same spot so you don’t lose it again.”
Real morning chaos:
You have 20 minutes to shower, eat breakfast, and get to an important meeting.
- Voice: “Shower takes 8 minutes. Grab that protein bar and coffee to go. Wear the outfit you laid out last night. You’ll make it with 3 minutes to spare.”
2. Helps You Learn Stuff Without Feeling Stupid
Xiang and her research team found that students who explain things to themselves remember everything better. Moreover, they feel more confident about what they’re learning.
You’re having trouble with your new smart TV remote, which has 47 buttons.
But instead of calling your tech-savvy nephew out of anger, your teacher self tells you, “Okay, the power button is clear.” The volume button is on the side, just like everyone else’s. Wow, that Netflix button is really helpful. It keeps me from having to scroll through choices.”
Your whole plan is clear in no time.
Learning mode activated:
- “This reminds me of something I already know.“
- “If I mess up, no big deal since I can always try again.”
- “Each mistake teaches me what not to do next time.”
Tax software nightmare:
You’re staring at a confusing form that might as well be written in ancient hieroglyphics.
- Voice: “Start with the simple ones, like your name, location, and other information you already know. After that, work on one part at a time. There’s a reason that the help button is there.
3. Stops You From Losing Your Cool
It’s not always easy to deal with negative people. However, your inner voice keeps you from acting on your anger and doing something you’ll later regret.
When you tell your teen to clean their room, they roll their eyes and say, “Whatever.” As a parent, your first reaction is to give your child a speech about respect.
But then your wise inner voice says, “It’s okay; they’re just testing the limits.” Screaming won’t make the room clean. Relax, make a goal, and stick to it.”
Emotional rescue moments:
- “Take three deep breaths before responding.”
- “This feeling will pass, so don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.”
- “You’re tired and hangry and everything feels worse than it actually is.”
Grocery store meltdown:
Your child is throwing a big fit in aisle 5, and everyone is looking at them.
- Voice: “Every parent has been here. These strangers will forget about this in five minutes. Just get through checkout and deal with the tantrum at home.”
4. Pushes You When You Want to Give Up
Sometimes you want to quit when things get tough. Bosker found that your inner voice can actually change your energy level by talking in different ways. When you feel like stopping, this voice reminds you why you started.
Netflix workout example:
You’re halfway through an exercise video, and your body hurts everywhere.
Then your motivational voice says: “You already put on workout clothes and made time for this. That was the hardest part. Your back stopped hurting after just two weeks of doing this. You always feel great when you finish.”
Ways your voice helps you continue:
- Reminds you that starting was the hardest part
- Brings up good feelings from finishing before
- Suggests doing just one more small part
5. Helps You Not Say Stupid Things in Social Situations
Robert and his research team studied how people handle difficult conversations. They found that your inner voice acts like a social guide that reads situations and suggests good responses.
Your inner voice watches other people’s moods and helps you say the right things. It also warns you when conversations are getting uncomfortable.
Work party problem:
Your boss complains about their divorce for the third time tonight. Suddenly, your social voice tells you:
“They want someone to listen, not give advice. Nod and look interested. Ask one or two simple questions. Change the topic when they stop talking.”
Social guidance your voice gives:
- Copy their mood, so if they’re serious, don’t make jokes
- Ask about their life instead of talking about yourself
- Find a nice way to end conversations
6. Sparks Creative Solutions When You’re Stuck
Your mind has to try out different ideas until it finds one that works. According to Rober’s study, people have the most creative ideas when they let their inner voice try out a lot of different ideas without judging them.
There’s no need for perfect answers in your artistic style. Instead, it takes a bunch of different ideas and offers easy fixes that might work.
Broken car on the weekend:
On Sunday, your car won’t start, and you need to get somewhere really important. Your creative mind starts to work:
“Maybe the battery is dead. I can ask my friend for help.” There’s also the option to call a ride. Actually, the weather is nice today, so walking might be faster than waiting for help.
| Problem Type | How Your Voice Helps | Example Solution |
| Time crunch | Prioritizes and shortcuts | “Do the minimum viable version first.” |
| Missing resources | Finds alternatives | “Use what you have in a new way.” |
| Overwhelming task | Breaks into pieces | “Just handle the next obvious step.” |
When Internal Dialogue Hurts You?
Sometimes your inner voice becomes your worst enemy instead of your friend. Kapitány-Fövény and his research team found that people with depression have inner voices that hurt them more than help them.
1. Repeating Bad Thoughts Over and Over
Your mind gets stuck thinking the same negative things again and again, and it happens because your inner voice won’t stop talking about problems without trying to fix them.
Let’s say you made a small mistake at work last week. Now your inner voice keeps saying:
“Everyone thinks you’re stupid. You always mess things up. You don’t deserve this job. They will probably fire you soon.”
It plays this same record every day and makes you feel worse and worse. To break this cycle, learn how to shift negative self-talk in under 5 minutes and start retraining your inner voice today.
Harmful repeating thoughts:
- “I always fail at everything I try.”
- “Nobody really likes me – they just pretend.”
- “Something bad is going to happen today.”
Real situation:
You sent an email to the wrong person by accident.
- Harmful voice says: “You can’t even send emails right. How are you supposed to handle bigger responsibilities? Your boss probably thinks you’re an idiot now. Maybe you should just quit before they fire you.”
2. Being Mean to Yourself All the Time
When you wake up 10 minutes late, your mind starts telling you bad things right away: “You can’t even get up on time.” You’re not working hard. You’re not the best at work; everyone else is. Everything about this makes you feel bad about yourself every day.
Gross did research that shows people who think bad things about themselves do not feel as good during the day. Anytime your inner voice is mean to you, it hurts like when someone else is mean to you.
This is what your mean voice says:
- “This job isn’t for someone this smart.”
- “You look terrible today since other people look better.”
- “When you talk to people, you always say the wrong thing.”
3. Predicting Disasters That Never Happen
Your friend doesn’t answer your text for 2 hours, and your mind immediately thinks: “They don’t like me anymore. I said something wrong yesterday. They’re telling other people bad things about me.”
You create scary stories in your head about normal things. When your inner voice predicts disasters all the time, it makes you worried about everything.
Chefetz and Bromberg saw that people who had bad experiences often expect the worst to happen in regular situations.
Your worried voice predicts:
- “If I drive today, I’ll get in a car accident.”
- “This headache means I have a brain tumor.”
- “My boss wants to talk to me because I’m getting fired.”
The doctor’s office calls to schedule an appointment next week. Your scared voice immediately decides: “
They found cancer in my blood test. I’m going to die soon. I should start planning my funeral.”
Most of these scary predictions never happen. But your voice keeps making them anyway, which makes you feel anxious all the time.
4. Always Looking at What Others Have
You look at social media and see pictures of your old classmate’s trip. It happens automatically and says:
“Their life is so much better than mine.” They have more fun and money. “I’m not doing anything important with my life.”
This voice that compares always looks at what other people have. Xiang learned that when students compare themselves to others, they focus on what they’ve done wrong instead of what they’ve done well.
Your comparing voice says:
- “Everyone else is more successful than I”
- “Other people have better relationships than I do.”
- “I’m the only one who doesn’t know what I’m doing.”
- You hear that someone from your old job got promoted to
5. Stopping You From Trying New Things
Gade and her research team discovered that some people’s inner voices create so much doubt that they avoid all challenges. In fact, your voice turns into a fear factory that stops you from taking advantage of chances.
You want to apply for a better job, but your scared inner voice says:
“You don’t have enough experience. They’ll laugh at your resume. Why bother trying when you know you won’t get it? Just stay where you are – at least you’re safe here.”
So you never apply and stay stuck in a job you don’t like.
Fear-based stopping:
- “Don’t speak up in meetings – you’ll say something stupid.”
- “Don’t try to make new friends – they’ll reject you.”
- “Don’t start exercising – everyone will see how out of shape you are.”
Which Type Do You Have? (The Simple Test)
This test is easy and takes only 10 minutes. Also, it shows you exactly what type of inner voice you have.
Step 1: Pick Your Problems
Think about these 8 things that happen to everyone. Then pick the 3 that happen to you most often:
- You make a mistake at work
- Someone doesn’t answer your text message
- You don’t like how you look in the mirror
- You have to talk in front of people
- Someone says you did something wrong
- You can’t sleep because you worry too much
- You see other people’s perfect lives on social media
- You try something new, but it’s really hard
Step 2: Listen to What Your Mind Says
Write down what your inner voice tells you about each problem you chose. Be careful not to improve the sound.
Just write down the real words that come to mind and tell the truth about what you think.
Step 3: Count Your Points
Read each thought you wrote down. Then give yourself points using this chart:
| If Your Voice Says Things Like This | Points |
| “How can I fix this?” or “What should I do now?” | +2 points |
| “I can learn from this,” or “Everyone makes mistakes.” | +2 points |
| “Let me try something different,” or “I’ll figure this out.” | +2 points |
| “This is hard, but I can do it,” or “Take it slow.” | +2 points |
| “I’m so stupid,” or “I always mess up.” | -2 points |
| “Everyone thinks I’m weird,” or “Nobody likes me.” | -2 points |
| “This will never work,” or “I can’t do anything right.” | -2 points |
| “Something bad will happen” or “I’m going to fail.” | -2 points |
| Normal thoughts like “This is hard” or “I don’t know what to do” | 0 points |
Step 4: Add Up All Your Points
Your total score tells you what kind of inner voice you have:
- +4 to +6 points – Your Inner Voice Helps You: The voice inside you is good for you. It makes you feel better and helps you figure things out. Also, you should keep listening to it because it’s good.
- +1 to +3 points – Your Inner Voice Mostly Helps You: Your inner voice helps you more than it hurts you. But sometimes it says mean things. So, try to make it say nicer things to you.
- -1 to -3 points – Your Inner Voice Goes Both Ways: Sometimes your inner voice helps you, and sometimes it hurts you. This happens to most people, and you need to teach yourself to be nicer to yourself.
- -4 to -6 points – Your Inner Voice Hurts You: Your inner voice is holding you back. You might not want to try new things because it makes you feel bad, and it should talk to you differently.
What to Do Next Based on Your Score?
- If you got +1 or higher: Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s working. When bad thoughts come, ask yourself, “What would my helpful voice say right now?” Then listen to that voice instead.
- If you got 0 or lower: Start paying attention to mean thoughts when they happen. After that, ask yourself, “How would I talk to a good friend who had this problem?” Finally, talk to yourself in the same nice way. Want to quiet that critical voice and trust your own path? Don’t Be a Crab is the guide your brain has been waiting for.
- Quick daily check: After your inner voice talks to you, notice how you feel. Do you feel ready to handle the problem? Or do you feel like giving up? Your feelings tell you if that voice helped you or hurt you.
FAQs
Can I really change how my inner voice talks to me?
Yes, you can change your inner voice with practice. It takes time, but even small changes help you feel better every day.
How long does it take to make my inner voice more helpful?
Most people start feeling better in 2-3 weeks of practice. However, big changes take about 2-3 months of daily work.
What if my inner voice is mean to me all the time?
Start by catching the mean thoughts when they happen. Then ask yourself, “How would I talk to a good friend with this problem?”
